I just pynch a tree in the face
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
