I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
