Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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