you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
