he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
