It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
