R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
nutella sex= disaster
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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