I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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