I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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