I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
