i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
