I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is wine microwaveable?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
