he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
