90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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