My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
