Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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