Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
