I am spending my child support on dildos
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize