Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
