So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize