i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
