I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
