i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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