I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
