i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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