Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
