Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
