I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
