Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
