i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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