U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
