I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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