atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
