He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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