Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You were trust falling into bushes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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