its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
