she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
