Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
