I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
