O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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