I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
