I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
