drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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