I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
