I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
