she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
