Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We're too hungover to prance.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
