it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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