hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
