Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
