I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
