i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
