There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
