I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
