Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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