Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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