Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
