Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
