New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
