Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
