I hate your face
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
