i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is wine microwaveable?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
