turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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