kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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