covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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