I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
