So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize