I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
