I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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