What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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