I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
