I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
