Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
