It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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