stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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